Life in General

Philip & Madge

Some time ago, two skeletons made their way into our home and perched themselves on the fireplace. Each day we’d find them in different lewd positions, each more tantalising than the last. Then they went missing for a while. We just presumed they’d made their way back to wherever they had come from. Not so. Thus begins the saga of Philip & Madge. Madge is on the missing list, we all fear for her safety but none more so than Philip, her long-term sexual chewtoy.

Phil has become so anxious for the safe return of Madge that he has begun campaigning with cryptic posters and placards; most often in the grassy expanses to the rear of the house. The pent up sexual frustration is killing him; we may have to consider introducing the skeleton of a sheep into the surroundings to calm the atmosphere. He’s currently poised on a plum in the fruit bowl, pondering his next Ghandiesque demonstration.

This might not be photography, but at least it’s somewhat creative!

A Worrying Sight

Seeing something like this popping up while passing some time googling your name would make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. Which brings me onto a musical and more puzzling question; “Who the fuck is Alice?”

Born Gay?

Tonight’s “Last Word with Matt Cooper” on TodayFM featured the author of a book named “Born Gay“. Qazi Rahman explores the somewhat controversial idea that everyone is born gay and one does not ‘choose’ to be gay by ones life experiences or the way you are brought up. The interview raised some interesting points, I’d imagine the book would be a good read.

To keep a healthy level of insanity to evening radio, a born again Christian was invited onto the show to spout quotes from the bible in a moronic fashion. The jist of it is “Sodomites be damned!” as stated in Leviticus blah blah. I was very surprised at the attitude of the David Cahoon, the Christian in question. Being a man of both science and religion, I guess he chose which path to follow. Apparently people are born in sin, not gay. I think the argument for science weighs heavier than that of religion in this and most cases.

I have mirrored the portion of the show in question and you can listen to it here. So, born gay? Even if it’s not entirely true it’s an interesting slant on the heterosexual/homosexual divide.

Heading North

I’m heading north for a few days. Sligo, Donegal, Mayo and a good deal of Northern Ireland too I hope. Just in case you’d all be wondering why my recent spurt of posting slowed to a stop until the weekend, it’s ‘cos I ain’t here. I’ll be back with more photos than you could shake a tree trunk at.

Almost Two.

This Friday, the 8th of July, my little website is officially 2 years old. And on this most special of days I’m wondering how many readers or casual glancers I actually have. Call it vanity or perhaps even paranoia that I’m preaching to an audience of 1; myself.

If you are reading this now and/or have read in the past leave a little comment to say hi. I’d like to know if there’s anybody out there.

Cruelest irony strikes again

I’ve always been an outspoken advocate of pointing out the foibles in other peoples driving. When someone does something blatantly stupid or life threatening to themselves and the drivers around them I’m first off the mark to criticise. That alone is what makes the following so ironic…

Whilst driving from Oranmore to Claregalway, Co. Galway yesterday morning I noticed a garda car behind me. Nothing unusual about that. For anyone that knows that stretch of road, you’ll know it’s home to some straight stretches and some gentle curves. An old woman in front of me was driving at around 45/50mph and so I chose to overtake her, losing sight of the garda car behind me. Up ahead there was a ford transit signaling and turning left. He had pulled into the hard shoulder and I indicated to pass him, my right tyres crossing the broken white line in the centre of the road by no more than a foot. A woman driving an old red ford mondeo coming toward me, yet more than a hundred yards away, must have decided that this was all too uncomfortable for her.

She pulled into the hard shoulder on her side and began flashing her lights. It all looked a bit like that scene in Austin Powers where the security guard is about to get run over by the slow moving steam roller. Bringing my powers of depth perception into play (which she obviously lacked) there was room for at least 2 articulated trucks between us. No point in debating it, as soon as the silly wagon started flashing I knew the cop would be up my ass like a chilli flavoured enema.

And so he was. Now here’s the real comedy.

Cop: (standard response) Are you in a hurry somewhere?
Me: I am actually yeah.
Cop: Hmmm, license please.
Me: (hands him my provisional license,hopes he doesn’t notice my lack of L plates or being accompanied by fully licensed driver)
Cop: Ahh (grunt of satisfaction) a provisional license too!

Cop goes back to car to see if I’m an escaped convict or likely to be transporting black tar heroine to Co. Mayo.

Cop: (while writing ticket and in smug tones) A city boy eh? Too used to all that city driving you are!
Me: Trying to hold back the flood of laughter at the ‘city boy’ comment.
Cop: (hands back my license) Aren’t you a very lucky boyeen not to be getting points?
Me: Err yeah thanks.
Cop: (hands ticket) Now I have to do this because there’s been so many accidents. There, a nice ticket for the princely sum of 25 euros.
Me: Right so

What I wanted to say: Every time a fella overtakes a nun, an angel gets it’s wings. If you want to ticket someone, try grabbing that bitch in the red mondeo and asking her to actually READ the ticket. Guaranteed she’s so short sighted she wouldn’t even realise theres a ticket in front of her. Shouldn’t you be off catching people that are actually making the roads more dangerous? Or down at the station eating doughnuts? I could give you a series of absolutely manic driving I’ve witnessed over the course of the last 3 fucking hours but would you be interested? Go on ya revenue generating wildman!

Cop: You’re lucky you’re not getting points. Good luck now (walks away)
Me: *muffled expletives*

Now I’ll just sit and wait for a notification of penalty points to drop through my letterbox. Yes, although he said I wouldn’t be getting any I’d be quite amazed if I didn’t get at least one. That’s how truly magnificently organised the whole thing is. If and when I do see that letter, I’ll fold it up, turn it sideways, shine it up real good and ram it up his candy ass. (or something like that)

[rant over]

Another way to annoy a technician

When you send a dot matrix printer to have the paper sensors unblocked/repaired, pack your printer in plenty of bubblewrap and in a strong box. Do not take the covers & paper tray off the printer and immerse the whole lot in a big box of shredded paper. You’ll find that adding a box of shredded paper to a printer with a blocked paper sensor often makes the problem worse.

Plus, now I have shredded paper all over my office…

Been Balding…

The ol’ mind has been focused elsewhere of late. I’ve been working on getting a photoblog together (read: tearing hair out with frustration), trying out several so called solutions with little or no luck. Finally decided to roll my sleves up and create my own damn solution. It’s currently in progress, so forgive the non-existant posting here lately. All will become clear soon.

But hey! At least the server move went off without a hitch!

If you see me, say hello…

Normal service is restored, normality restored. Apologies for the mindless nonsense.

As I was saying, if you see this guy, ask him for my wallet.

The Waiting’s Postponed

Hooray, I ordered my camera! Finalised the order this morning! Lost my wallet this afternoon! Had to cancel the order, along with all my credit cards & bank cards. Saw the asshole that picked it up, got a CCTV image of him and going to find him tomorrow to ask him why he didn’t feel like handing it into the shop he found it outside.

Course all this means I can’t reorder my camera until I get issued with new credit cards; sometime next week. What an ultimate pisser. Oh God, why do you hate my photography so?