Some time ago, two skeletons made their way into our home and perched themselves on the fireplace. Each day we’d find them in different lewd positions, each more tantalising than the last. Then they went missing for a while. We just presumed they’d made their way back to wherever they had come from. Not so. Thus begins the saga of Philip & Madge. Madge is on the missing list, we all fear for her safety but none more so than Philip, her long-term sexual chewtoy.

Phil has become so anxious for the safe return of Madge that he has begun campaigning with cryptic posters and placards; most often in the grassy expanses to the rear of the house. The pent up sexual frustration is killing him; we may have to consider introducing the skeleton of a sheep into the surroundings to calm the atmosphere. He’s currently poised on a plum in the fruit bowl, pondering his next Ghandiesque demonstration.

This might not be photography, but at least it’s somewhat creative!