Have I ever been so delighted? So assured that everything is alright in the word; at least as far as taste and tonedeafness are concerned. Having channel surfed through a whole two hour sitting of the Eurovision semi-finals tonight, I feel it was all worthwhile when Ireland; led by Bosco on speed and his mother, fell flat on their faces. A well justified failure I think it’s quite safe and honest to say.

I sat, perched on the edge of my seat as the gorgeous host and her sidekick D.J. whatshisname, announced the results. Curious so that even countries where I can only speculate that indoor plumbing is considered a luxury for the rich and famous can get in so far ahead of Ireland’s pathetic attempt.

So come home to Athlone with your tails between your legs and vanish into obscurity. Actually, don’t. I’ll thoroughly enjoy hearing you both on the radio in the weeks and months to come. It’ll remind me of tonight and I can think back and laugh myself sick.

Good call citizens of Europe, you stopped what could have been a runaway train of nausea and pointless follow on songs. I salute you.