Archive for February, 2005

Corks 96 & 103FM claim victory in listenership race

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Hardly surprising given the competition. 96 & 103FM beat local rival RedFM to a pulp, taking 47% of the listenership compared to RedFM’s measly 5%.

I will admit I used to listen to RedFM, back when I was an impressionable idiot. Now that I’m a ‘set in my ways’ idiot, I can safely say that I’d rather listen to Steve Haze and his faux-yankie accent than that insufferable twat ‘Stevie G’. The sound of his voice alone makes me wish I was deaf. Nails on a chalkboard, nails on a chalkboard…

Congratulations to big corporate 96FM, although your’e still far from the best available.

Man stockpiles paint in case of shortage

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Could I get away with filing this under “Dumbest Criminals”? An Irish paint salesman was convicted in court of stealing cans of home & car paint from his employer. The crime stretches right back to 1996 when the mans insatiable appetite for paint cleptomania began.

The boss started to get a bit suspicious when he noticed paint mysteriously going missing from the warehouse and following a raid at the employee’s house, approximately 86,000 worth of paint was discovered in his garage. Some of it was even out of date. Did the man simply forget to sell it on? Paint fetish? Maybe he couldn’t decide what colour to paint his house so he simply kept the tester pots. I know if I had 86k’s worth of paint in my garage I’d be on the coal quay markets in the morning!

Hunting finally Banned in England & Wales

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After almost 80 years of campaigning to ban hunting with dogs, a ban has finally been put into effect as of 12 o’clock last night. Stiff lipped toffs have vowed to fight on to keep their gruesome hobby but it looks like it’s curtains for them and their horns. Even if it stops gobshites like the following for a week it’ll be a week of pure bliss for wildlife everywhere.

Graeme Worsley, 37 – joint master of the 250-year-old Old Surrey Burstow and West Kent Hunt – said: “We’re angry and upset. I had a knot in my throat, but it’s not the end. We killed four foxes today, a lot of fun.”

In a predictable turn of events, relieved foxes everywhere are finally returning to their normal lives and in fact have begun plotting hugely ironic revenge on the toffee-nosed gits that for 300 years brutally murdered their kind..

“Hey ma look… a cute little fox with a rabid badger on a lead.”

Rock on Foxy! Full story in The Mirror of all places

Driving Test Woes 2

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I posted the following to Boards.ie in the hope of gaining some moral support and to hear people badmouth driving testers in some crazy effort to make me feel better. I wasn’t hugely descriptive in my last post and as the stress is somewhat more manageable now, I’ll continue.

The story so far…

I’ve had my category A license for almost 3 years and been driving for longer than that. Lets just get that out of the way for starters.

Did my category B test yesterday with blood boilingly annoying results. Naturally I got the tester who’s known as the worst of the worst. Not going to mention any names yet because due process is processing. Did the theory and the newfangled technical checks without problem and went out onto the road from the temporary St. Finbarrs test centre. All seemed to be going well for me, I only clocked up 5 grade 2’s total throughout the whole test. Pretty average result.

However, on the junction of Evergreen road and Curragh road there are nasty traffic lights. Lights I was warned about and brought through properly by my ISM certified driving instructor prior to the test. For anyone that doesn’t know the lights, they’re outside that big ugly church. I was told to turn right and so put on my indicator, having stopped at the red light. The green arrow that allows traffic to go straight ahead lit and the red stayed lit so I stayed put. There were about 5 vehicles behind me and as I sat at the red & green arrow filter light for up to a minute, nobody beeped or flashed me. The green arrow went out, as did the red and the full circular green came on at which point I turned right. I was given a grade 3 for not breaking a red light?!? Go figure!

When I came out of the test centre, my instructor was there and when I told him what happened, his head almost exploded. I’ve since been in contact with several other driving instructors, all of whom assured me that I was 100% correct.

Today I wrote a letter of complaint and will now have to wait until I get some results from that to know if I have to appeal in the court. Will the “old boys network” that no doubt exists in the testing centre win out? I’d be amazed if it didn’t to be honest. Proving I’m right was never so difficult…

Followed by today’s update

Since Monday I’ve driven past there about 10 or 11 times just to assure myself I’m not going mad/seeing things. I should have taken my video camera down there the other night to record the lights and the motorists using the junction but of course I forgot it. one thing thats worrying me at the moment is that the sequence of the lights seems to change of it’s own accord. When I was there on Monday evening after the test it was red, red & green arrow, red, green circle. Now it seems to be red, red & green arrow, green arrow & green circle, red. Maybe it’s just changing to suit traffic loads… or else I truly am losing my mind. Waiting for a call from a guy in the corporation about the light sequencing.

Called in to the two pubs down there a while ago to see if they have anything on their cctv… not a sausage. The only useful location had a power cut for most of early Monday afternoon while they were getting new stuff installed. Just my luck eh!

I know it’s only technically day two of my official complaint, but I’m getting an itch to start the appeal process moving. It’s all getting very American.. “I’ll sue you!”, “I’ll see you in court!” and all that over-dramatised nonsense. Well, at least the second part might actually come true.

It continues! Read part 3.

Driving Test Woes

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Had my driving test on Monday, failed it because the tester didn’t know how to work traffic lights. In other words, I was 100% correct and was told that by several professional instructors. Complaining, Appealing & all that stuff. I had planned on providing new rant-shaped content here soon but I’ll wait until ths all pans out to have my mother of all rants at the expense of the driving tester in question. Stay tuned, it’s gonna be a whopper.

Incidentally, if anyones got any contacts in the department of transport, please email me.

You might as well follow the story now… so read part two

Mahon Point; oh so disappointed.

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I, like tens of thousands of Cork people, eagerly awaited the opening of our newest (and what, on paper, seemed to be greatest) shopping centre yet. The gargantuan development on the site of the former illegal halting site and champion bare-knuckle boxing ring that is Mahon Point.

Well, the travellers are out and the high fashion is the new black, or err pink, or whatever the hell the new black is. Black? Anyway…

We were wowed by various advertising institutions over the course of the past few months leading up to what has become yet another place I wish I had never visited. Have you ever been in Merchant’s Quay shopping centre in the city centre? What about the city centre itself? Yes? Then you’ve been in Mahon Point. Only difference is that you don’t have that agonisingly long 20-step walk between each clothes shop. Wall to wall frills, pinks, ruffles, suede’s and whatnot. It could very well be the heterosexual male’s worst nightmare. I choose to differtiate between Hetero and Metrosexuals in this matter. On walking in what I will admit is a nicely designed front entrance I felt like soiling myself publicly just so I could turn right back around and run. Two floors of it! My God I’m amazed they didn’t put fucking clothes shops on the ceilings!

All that without even so much as a creche for the discerning 18-40 year old male whilst the women folk go off “ooh”ing and “ahh”ing at shit they’re never going to buy anyway. But wait, hooray; there’s an Eason branch. Too good to be true, it’s a completely crap Eason branch. Hold on, there’s a music shop and a video games shop. Nuts, they’re both complete balls aswell.

I can now see great merit in the idea of putting a multi-screen cinema in a building full of womens clothes shops. I know full bloody well I’m not going back down there until the cinema opens. Send herself off shopping with €50 in her back pocket whilst I sashay off to view the latest and greatest violence filled gore romp. It’s clearly a win win situation.

There is a Tesco, but err, what more can you say about Tesco? I guess I could say “erm yay, we now have 2 24hour supermarkets!” Pity that’s two more than we actually need. The only time a 24hour supermarket is useful is when you’re blind drunk and have a wicked dose of the munchies. Note though that minimun wage till jokeys don’t take kindly to being paid in 5 and 10 cent coins.

Case and point, the ladies of http://www.ivenus.com/ are getting all slippery thinking about the shopping bliss. I can’t help being nasty, it’s in my genes. On the upside, it’s created a whole load of new jobs, something which is always welcome in post-celtic tiger Ireland. On yet another downside, the residents of Mahon and employees of Mahon based companies learned very quickly that one doesn’t attempt to get to home/work anymore without spending a long long time in traffic.

So that’s Mahon Point, it’s everything I thought it would be; a fucking disaster!

(ahh, I love a good rant…)

BUY MY BIKE!

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That’s right, I’m actually selling my bike! For anyone that’s interested, details can be found here. Be nice, this is a distressing time for me…

Pub reviews move home

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You may have noticed that all the pub reviews have suddenly disappeared. .. Fear not! They’ve only moved next door to their new home www.munsterpubs.com. Update your bookmarks, subscriptions and all that related malarky.

Jeez, I’ll have to start writing more to make up for the dip in steady content 🙁

Fink Brau: The great cleanser

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Like Homer Simpson in that certain episode, I also from time to time need to undertake the task of “a little spring cleaning”, albeit involuntary and hugely self-inflicted. Through great expense to myself; financially, mentally and physically, I have found the perfect diarrhoea beer. It retails in a Lidl store near you and comes in small unassuming bottles, costing a little over €10 for 24. It’s “Fink Brau”, the alcoholic alternative to Senokot.

I found some months ago that consumption of over half the case of beer (and I use that term loosly) causes involuntary muscle spasms of the arse. Over half is brave (read: stupid) and the whole case in one night is Rymus. Needless to say I hovered around the pot like a homesick dungbeetle for several days after that fateful Saturday night. It tastes rather like a crude mixture of Budweiser and horse piss, although many speculate that Budweiser is indeed chiefly comprised of that very substance anyway. That leads me to wonder if what we know as Budweiser is actually Fink Brau re-packaged? The conspiracy theories are ongoing. My respect for the French plummets ever lower on drinking every bottle. I can hear chants of “what do you expect from Lidl beer?” but to those that chant I answer “what about that stuff that comes in the longneck brown bottles?” That’s the sauce of choice for many’s the poor student and cheap date. Bring back the Bergadler pils! I hate this frinking Brau crap.

Cork Dockyards

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Click for full version

Decided to throw myself head first back into the idea of B&W photography, lets see how the next few photos come out before we make any judgement. Decided to shoot this in RAW mode (an oddity for me) and for some reason forgot to change the ISO so forgive the noise.

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