What is this? It must be the fifth time that UK & Irish TV viewers have been subjected to the human waste which is the “Big Brother”. For some it’s the televisual experience of the year, something to while away those long summer days watching 24-hour live coverage on E4. Never before has it been so exciting to watch perfect strangers, whom as it happens are no more interesting than bellybutton fluff, perform inane activities such as… sleeping, for example.

For the rest of us, which you may have guessed includes yours truly, can’t stand the whole big brother experiment. I say experiment because the people they finally choose to be contestants belong only in a lab. I could name several things I’d rather be doing than watching any amount of Big Brother.

Big Brother 1 was original TV in it’s day. I will freely admit that I watched (throughout the whole series) roughly 3 to 4 hours of the show. After that, reality TV just got boring. How many TV shows were created in the wake of the big brother phenomenon that gave us a fly on the wall view of everywhere and anywhere we could possibly hope to see.

The truly amazing thing is that every series has taken people more or less off the street with absolutely no special qualities (other than in some cases, the ability to talk shit and bore the world constantly for 10 weeks) and transformed them, no matter if they win or lose, into minor celebrities. After their flash in the pan TV debut, they have gotten their own shows or starred in the shows of others. Two I can think of straight away is Craig, the winner who gave all his winnings away and is appearing on DIY “my home is a kip, come fix it up” kind of shows and Anna of “Ask Anna”, where a lesbian ex-nun doles out advice and helps other whiny viewers that (in one case which sticks out in my mind) to find men that like overweight middle-aged women, or one woman in particular.

The tabloids eat up the scandal like it’s the food served from a gourmet restaurant and splash the latest big brother bullshit all over their front pages. For 10 weeks of the summer, you can’t twitch without having some aspect of Big Brother crammed in every available orifice. It is, in this bloggers humble opinion, the worst TV imaginable.